yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
