chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
