i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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