you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
