I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I want is dick and wine.
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