Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
