Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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