can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I intend to get homeless drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize