i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
are you so shy because you have an std?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
