This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize