I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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