dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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