Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
