If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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