Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
