At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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