I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
