pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
