omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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