She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
