And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
