I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize