Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
