Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This show inspires me to have sex in space
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
