So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
