i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize