i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
