i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
