Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The power of my boobs compel you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
