The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
