I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
