2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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