imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
