Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
