This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize