i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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