Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
