She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
