we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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