WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
