If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Everything about him screamed your future.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
