dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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