do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize
