Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
