I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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