my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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