everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
