is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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