Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
