my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
