It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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