I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
