when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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