drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize