I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize