i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
