When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
