you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
