I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
