i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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