All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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