i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
